How to Control Your Anger: Retreat and Think Things Over

By Dr. Tony Fiore

Summary: Sometimes it's simply not possible to regain control over your anger in the moment. And if you can't control your anger during conflicts, you will cause (yourself and others) pain, and run the risk of permanently damaging relationships. Learn some anger control techniques in this article.

Jim and Mary Jones loved each other deeply, but often went into horrific verbal battles over any number of issues. They would argue and yell for hours, often into the night, leaving both of them exhausted, emotionally disconnected, hurt and resentful toward each other.

Both became so upset they were flooded with negative feelings which prevented their being able to repair the damage, to think rationally, or to problem-solve the issues at hand.

Much of this emotional suffering could have been prevented or least minimized had they learned anger control tool #8:

—“Retreat and Think Things Over.”

Basically this means to temporarily distance yourself from the situation for a period of time so that both of you can calm down. This allows your bodily systems to return to normal, and allows your normally good reasoning and thinking ability to return.

Easier Said Than Done

Yes, it is much easier said than done. It is one of those tools that sounds deceptively simple, yet it is by no means easy to do for at least two reasons:

There is a common myth that all relationship conflicts should be “settled” in the moment while the intense feelings are present. If you do not do this, you may be accused of “avoiding” the issue.

Once stress or anger levels escalate to a certain point, one or both partners reach a point of no-return, due to flooding of the brain with intense emotions. This makes it almost impossible to disengage from each other and stop the fight.

Heed these Warning Signs
Stop Creating Conflict